I have one student who has to either hit or take something from someone every time he walks by them. I have another who only ever wants to sing or color. Or sing while coloring. Another of my students thinks he's too cool for school. He's seven and he's got the most apathetic expression I've ever seen. If you looked up the word "whatever" in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of his face right after he's told me, "I know that already." I also have a student who thinks she's the boss. And she's mean. It doesn't help that she is the only girl in her class. The oldest student in the class is so spacey that he never knows what's going on. I could speak fluent Vietnamese to him and he wouldn't notice that I was talking. An airplane could crash into the school and he wouldn't look up from his doodles.Then there are the twins. One of them is really good at English. He always finishes his work before everyone and he thinks this gives him permission to walk around and bother the other students. His brother is not very good at English and has a complex about it. He's the first student I mentioned. And all of them--all of them--love to tattle on each other. This might seem like a silly thing to complain about, but it really bothers me. My American upbringing taught me that being a tattle-tale is bad but Vietnamese people don't think the same way.
These are just a few examples of my students' behavior. All of my students can be the most annoying, difficult kids depending on the day. Despite this, I absolutely love and adore them. Sometimes I even think I want to keep them forever. Of course, that last thought usually passes quickly. I tell myself that my students have clearly driven me to the edge of craziness and I need to immediately haul myself back so I don't tip over.
In the midst of all this craziness, however, is still me trying to be the best teacher that I can. The results vary. For the most part, I don't consider myself a great teacher. I'm not a bad teacher--at least, I don't think so--but I don't really know what I'm doing and I don't enjoy teaching enough to be truly great at it. Also, I'm never really sure whether I'm teaching anything to my students. Certainly I try, but because my students are so young, it's often difficult to see improvement. It's not as if I can tell them something once and then they get it, remember it and use it. I can't tell them something fifty times and expect them to do all this. Learning, after all, takes time.
I have found (like many others before me) that most worthwhile things are hard to come by; they take time, effort and, sometimes, a lot of blood, sweat and tears, as the cliche goes. Nothing has cemented my belief in this, cliche though it may be, as much as being an elementary school teacher.
I have recently realized that something I love, something that I find beyond worthwhile, is actually one of the most difficult things to learn: reading. You might be thinking that this is a no-brainer. Of course learning how to read is hard and not just worthwhile but necessary to functioning in the world (or a lot of the world, I should say). I would argue, though, that reading is something most adults take for granted. Even if they don't like to read or don't read particularly fast, most adults can still see and recognize words we use every day right away. We read exit signs and aisle markers in grocery stores and the "send" button in our e-mail accounts without even seeing the words anymore. We just know what they are.
I know I am wholly and utterly guilty of taking reading for granted. I had forgotten how hard reading actually is until now. Since November, I have been teaching a six year old (Sebastian) how to read and, in case you've forgotten as well, let me tell you that reading is hard. It is not an automatic skill. If nobody had ever told you that we read English from left to right, you wouldn't know. Or how to differentiate between a letter, a word and a sentence. Or that "a" is the same letter as "A." Did you know that some English words we all memorize because phonics doesn't help us read them? (Think about "of." Why do we pronounce the "f" like a "v"?) Oh, and phonics? Yeah, that stuff isn't easy, especially vowels, which all have several different sounds and they all feel the same in mouth when you say them.
And here is where I'm getting to the point of this post. (You might think I didn't have one as it's a rather ramble-y post. However, you would be wrong.)
Two weeks ago, Sebastian read his first book. I thought I was going to cry. It was hands down one of the best moments of my life. I was so proud of him.
So, despite all the chaos and frustration, and despite how difficult teaching is, there are some pretty amazing perks that I wasn't aware of until I became a teacher. Teaching may not be in my future, but for the present, I'd say it's definitely worthwhile.
I would also like to say a sincere and heartfelt "THANK YOU" to all of the teachers in my life--the ones who taught me in school and the ones who continue to teach me outside of school. You are truly remarkable, amazing, generous people and you deserve A LOT more thanks than you get.
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| Sebastian. Don't you love his cute little grimace/smile? |
